Oldies But Funnies: My Harrowing Experience With The Great Outdoors!

Most of our day was pretty uneventful.  When my Hubby got home we decided to take the kids out to the pool...well here's where my day was, well, eventful...

Okay, so in case anyone in here doesn't already know I have a terrible phobia of snakes...ugh!!  There's my preface and I'm sure you can gather what happened!  Yep, we go to go outside to get into the pool, I have Princess's hand, Hot Rod's giddily trudging ahead of me donning arm floaties and a grin.  Hubby heads up the rear as I point out a wasps' nest he needs to take care of.  What a manly man, to take care of such trivial things as a wasps' nest for his wife. 

Hot Rod darts from the porch as I watch with a mothering eye to make sure he doesn't fall.  Then, something catches my eye.  In a split second my fight or flight response kicks in...what do I do?  FLIGHT!  Like get the heck out of my way, barreling past Hubby leaving in my wake Hot Rod with a command to "Get back up here Hot Rod, get Back here!".  Leave Princess with Hubs while I dart for the door, fumbling trying to open it.  Hubby standing there, hands splayed in there air with a confused look on his face.  Then realizing there's only one thing that would send me into such a fervor...a creepy, devils' spawn, nasty, OMG why do these things exist?, snake! 

The word sends shivers up my spine, the sight of one - even if just momentarily sent me inside running to the stairs to seek the safety of a corner (yes you can laugh) crying, having trouble breathing while my heart pounds out of my chest!  Hot Rod comes in and tries to calm me down - that's terrible, I know - and all he wants to talk about is that!  While all I want to talk about is anything BUT that!  And that manly man I told you about?  Well he's off with flip flops on and swim trunks, wielding nothing but a shovel as a weapon against that creature crawling under the deck for his wife...I should give him a present for that (lol). 

While He-Man is off defending his woman from her arch nemesis, his son is telling me ALL about what Daddy is doing and how he's going to kill it.  Finally I get him to stop talking about it (thank goodness).  I calm down and hear a boom from outside.  I assume this is the final act, as Prince Charming slays the dragon...turns out - it was a baby dragon and not the big one!  That means there's still one somewhere and KNOWING one is anywhere? - Well I don't deal well with that.  I refuse to go to the pool with them, and watch as they play in the pool.

I try and give myself a pep talk, all the while scanning the yard awaiting its return.  I try and tell myself I have to go outside, I cannot let the kids think that this is okay to have such strong responses to this.  I cannot let them become as frightened as I am - so I open the door, scan the porch, walk to the edge, scan the yard, the stepping stones - nothing.  So, this is it - my opportunity.  The Olympic sprinter in me that I never knew existed kicked in!  I jumped off the porch, took those stepping stones 3 at a time, and was over to the pool lickity-split, jumped up that ladder and was safely in the pool - giving the appearance to the kids that I was just in the mood to run.

Now, for those of you who haven't seen me and all my glory...I'm no Olympic sprinter, hurdler, or anything in between.  My idea of sprinting is running from here to the bathroom when you've eaten too much Mexican food.  Fat girls don't run, we're patient people and can get to where we want with a nice slow walk.  I could only imagine what a big gal such as myself looked like barreling through that yard and into that pool - I never knew I had it in me.  Will I take sprinting up as a favorite pastime?  Only if my life or the lives of my kids depend on it.  But they were given a speech - not that Princess knew what the heck I was talking about, but I told her anyway - that it's an unnatural fear, as severe fear, a fear I hope they never have.  They shouldn't be so scared of things and I'm trying really hard not to be.

I certainly am glad my brain finally figured out the fundamentals of grasping, then twisting the door knob - I would have hated to replace such a nice door.  Could you imagine what that door would have looked like had I ran through it?  I can picture it now, looking like one of the characters from Looney Toons ran through that door leaving a shadow of where the door use to be.  It was an option, my next option, had the knob not turned.